JD's Coconut Cream Pie (Prose Version)



Yea tho I walk thru the valley of store-bought pies, I will fear no evil of
artificial ingredients! For I will do it myself!!
       There she is... her silken white vale all slightly toasted golden with
the slivers of darker toasted coconut adorning it so lusciously!
       Sexy she is!!!
I love her so much that I will cut her up and slobber and drool while I
chew her dismembered parts!! I won't even feel guilty! Why should I?
       She is here because I created her!!!
       I bought a coconut, killed it and grated up it's helpless flesh!!
       I cooked the pudding from scratch from a 1950 recipe!!!
       I murdered the eggs and whipped their whites into a thick froth!!
       I made the crust from scratch and layered all the other goo upon it!!
       She is a creature that I created like some sort of god!
       Therefore, She is mine to slaughter!!!
       That is exactly what I will do with less remorse than a lioness has for her prey!
       Anyone want a slice?
       Here I go!!!!!
       :-)
       JD<----drools!
       PS: slow chore day at Rancho Problemas, Texas

JD's Coconut Cream Pie (now we're getting down to business)
(msg to the folks across the ponds: just do the conversions and try the pie, OK?)

Buy a fresh coconut, break it open and dig out the flesh. Try to keep the
chunks as large as possible 'cause you need to grate the coconut. Now,
grate the fresh flesh and then spread it out in a pan and dust it well with
powdered sugar and toss and mix well. At this point you may lightly toast
the shredded coconut in the oven, or simply cover it with plastic wrap
while you prepare the pie. Remember to save some of it to dress up the top
of the meringue with. (It is important to note that the coconut is FRESH
and therefore will have its brown "skin" on the white flesh and therefore
might look odd to you who have never seen grated coconut anywhere but in a
bag. That stuff in the bag or can is so highly processed that it has very
little REAL coconut flavor which is why I like the fresh coconut. Try it!)
Remember, this is a LOT of coconut, much more than the standard recipe
calls for, so this makes a LARGE pie and there is never a shortage of
coconut in every fork full! (You old folks will need to put in your teeth
for this pie!)

Bake the pie crust first (heavily prick the crust with a fork before
baking). There is a LOT of coconut in the filling, so make a crust for a
9-inch pie pan. If you can make a good crust, I like the recipe on the back
of the Crisco can best. [See recipe below.] Otherwise, you may use a
DEEP DISH frozen pie pan/crust from the freezer section. Get the biggest
one you can find! There are some 9-5/8-inchers out there... you have to
look hard! Bake it before adding the cream coconut mix.

CLASSIC CRISCO PIE CRUST (single crust):
1 1/3 level cups all-purpose flour
1/2 level teaspoon salt
1/2 Crisco Stick or 1/2 level cup Crisco all-vegetable shortening
3 tablespoons cold water

Spoon flour into measuring cup and level. Mix flour and salt in medium
bowl. Cut in Crisco using pastry blender (or 2 knives) until all flour is
blended in to form pea-size chunks. Sprinkle with water, one tablespoon at
a time. Toss lightly with fork until dough will form ball. Press between
hands to form a 5- to 6-inch pancake. Flour dough lightly. Roll into circle
between sheets of waxed paper on dampened countertop. Peel off top sheet.
Trim one inch larger than inverted 9-inch pie plate. Flip into pie plate.
Remove other sheet and press pastry to fit. Fold edge under. Flute.
Heat oven to 425F. Thoroughly prick bottom and sides with fork (50
times) to prevent shrinking. Bake at 425F for 10 to 15 minutes or until
lightly browned. For recipe calling for unbaked pie shell, follow baking
directions given in that recipe.

Now for the filling... Hint for wimps:
You may successfully use Jell-O brand Vanilla Pudding and Pie Filling. Get
the large box or two small ones. For a more authentic flavor, take thirty
minutes and make the pudding from scratch as follows.

Pie filling, The real McCoy! (from an old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook):
3/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup all purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
2 cups milk
3 slightly beaten egg yolks (don't throw away the white!)
2 Tbsps melted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Meringue... recipe below the following

In a saucepan, combine the flour, sugar, and salt and then gradually
stir/whisk in the milk and make it smoooooth. Cook over medium heat
stirring constantly until it becomes bubbly. Cook and stir about two more
minutes. (It will begin to thicken a little.) Remove from heat and then
take some of it (hot) and stir into the egg yolks and blend well. Pour the
egg yolk mixture into the pudding, return to the heat and cook the stuff
two more minutes, stirring constantly. If it is thick like pudding, remove
from heat and blend in the vanilla and butter. Stir in the shredded coconut
and then turn the mess into the baked pie shell and level it well. Spread
the meringue (nice and thick) over the top of the hot pie filling. Be sure
to drag the meringue right onto the crust as this will prevent the meringue
from shrinking away from the filling. Cover the meringue with the saved
shredded coconut and bake the pie at 350F for 12-15 minutes... the meringue
will be beautifully golden toasted, the coconut will also be.

Meringue:
3 egg whites
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp cream of tarter
6 Tbsps sugar

Beat the egg whites, vanilla, and cream of tarter until it begins to
stiffen and peak and make little mountains. Gradually add the sugar while
beating and continue 'till it is glossy, the sugar is dissolved, and you
can make really neat stand-up mountains with little curlycues in the mess.

Note: This coconut cream pie is very old fashioned and tastes like it did
many years ago before the advent of packaged foods. Baking the pie with
Jell-O brand pie filling is good, but the pie is very much sweeter than is
the pie done with the pudding as written above. I have never had a single
soul walk away from this pie, but a few (mostly younger) folks have
commented that it is not as "sweet" as they were used to. I suggest you try
this pie "as is" the first time around. It is wonderfully subtle in
sweetness and allows you to taste the other things in it like the coconut!
It can easily be "sweetened" in the future cookings by adding more sugar to
the pudding or more powdered sugar to the coconut.

                                                                                               
Variations:
I have been playing around with a version of coconut/almond cream/chocolate
pie. The idea is to make it taste similar to an Almond Joy candy bar. My
attempt so far has been to pour the coconut cream (pudding) into the crust,
then cover the top of that with almonds and then cover that with a thin
layer of chocolate pudding and then top with the meringue and bake as
usual. Anyone wanting to play around with this idea and help me out is welcome.

You just do EXACTLY as old JD sez in the recipe and bake
yerself the best damned coconut cream pie you ever ate!!! It will make
your day! Honest!!!!!!!!!!

JD