The Wonderful, Wacky World of A.F.P.F.

AAAAAOOOOOWWW!

Hey, everybody! There's a full moon tonight. Let's all go outside and Hooowwwwl at the moon - nekkid.

Mr. Toastmaster, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the wonderful, wacky world of alt.fifty-plus.friends, or a.f.p.f. for short.
A.f.p.f. is an Internet newsgroup - a virtual location where people all over the world can pop in whenever they like and discuss whatever they want to.
Although most newsgroups are focused on a single subject, the only thing we at afpf have in common is that we are all over 50.
This means we discuss anything and everything, and it leaves plenty of room for fun, imagination and just plain silliness.

Let me introduce you to some of our members. You've already met Wolfie, who
urges us to howl at the moon every month. Wolfie is a member of the hat band - a group of characters who live under the hat of a man named Dennis.
Other hat-banders include Monk E. Zunkle, a dirty old man named Lech R. Us and an aging hippie called Chong.

For some reason, afpf seems to attract people with split personalities or alter egos. Take david, for instance. That's david with a small "d", since david writes only in lower case. His tales of domestic bliss often end with his being locked in the cellar by his wife, Dalin, who is also a member of the group. It's quite entertaining to read the his and hers versions of such incidents as the time Dalin insisted david go shopping with her or david's adventures with their new barbecue.

David's alter ego is a wannabe hero called El Zorro, who sets forth periodically on expeditions to rescue damsels in distress. These adventures have three things in common: The damsel in question is always a member of afpf, she is always wearing her nightie when El Zorro rides up, and the rescue attempts always end in disaster. For instance, when El Zorro tried to rescue me, he ended up burning my house down.

And then there are the LOTEs. That's L-O-T-E, which stands for Ladies of the Evening. These otherwise respectable women, one of whom is david's wife Dalin, take great delight in describing the slinky outfits they'll wear to stand on their chosen streetcorner, hoping to earn a quarter.

Sometimes the split personalities spill over into real life. For instance, there's Kelly, a Norwegian woman who lives in France, where she teaches English. Or Toddy, who has lived in Australia so long she considers herself Australian. She still has the voice and accent of a cultured Englishwoman, or posh pommy, as her Aussie friends say. Toddy once attended the opera in Paris wearing a purple nightie - and there were other afpf members there to witness this.

There's Mikal, a building contractor who spends his spare time drawing fairies - lovely little ladies lounging on lilypads or soaring on gossamer wings. Mikal's fairies, who are usually modeled after his girlfriend or her daughter, have illustrated a couple of books.

There's an introverted ham called Yoj, who often writes about Toastmasters. Or Australia. Or even Toastmasters in Australia.

It isn't all silliness at afpf. We discuss a number of serious subjects, too. We laugh and cry with each other, share our triumphs and tragedies, and exchange congratulations, sympathy and virtual hugs.

And if you like to argue politics, just express an opinion about anything or anybody remotely political, and I guarantee you'll find people who are happy to argue with you.

Before I go any further, I have a confession to make. I haven't been completely truthful. I said we're all over 50, but that isn't quite accurate. Most of us are, but we do have a few youngsters among us, some just a couple of years short of 50, and others considerably younger. We welcome anybody. All we ask is that you be truthful. If you're a gorgeous 17-year-old girl, don't pretend to be a 51-year-old man.

We sometimes have meets - face-to-face get-togethers of anything from two to 16 of us. There is always a lot of talking, laughing and eating at these meets, and sometimes other activities are involved. Toddy's trip to the opera took place during an afpf meet.

So if you want to meet interesting people, either on line or in person, if you like to argue politics, or if you just want to find out if I've been telling the truth, log onto alf.fifty-plus friends. And don't forget the full moon.

AAAAAOOOOOWWW!

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Joy's Speech for her Toastmaster's competition September 2005